My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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