He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
