I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
