At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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