I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
