It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
