Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
