He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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