I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
