if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we're making bets on your personal life
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
