Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
did i walk over a car last night?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
