You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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