I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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