If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?