I'm really into asian looking animals
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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