Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.