They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS