So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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