You smell like a Billy Joel song
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
