Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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