if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
