apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
