I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
