Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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