my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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