My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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