Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
