it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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