Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
