She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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