Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i love accidental penises.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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