i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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