How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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