She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
