This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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