when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
