nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
