why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
