is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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