Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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