She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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