I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I deserve this hangover.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
