Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
