So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
