She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
