We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
