So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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