U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
