Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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