i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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