I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
