Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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