I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
