I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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