Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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