Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
