What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You smell like stripper and shame
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
