wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
