Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just threw up on my dentist
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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