I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
