considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
