so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
