The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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