i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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