ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
