I have demons in me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
