I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
