you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
