And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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