All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
