my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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